JUNGLE GYM DAYS
Lunch done, magic begins
off to the jungle gym
running down the hill
seeing our castle waiting
princesses, ninjas and even flying pigs
one day in Australia
the next day Arizona
waiting for our imagination to begin
koala bears and horses
all or our friends joined us too!
just the two of us
crazy as can be
we would travel the world
but then the bell would ring
and all would disappear
but we would wait
for the next day
we would be off
off to the jungle gym
HANDS
Lend me a hand
a prayer hand
hold my hand
with my own hand
a couple of hands
during a dance
hand me that
that preformers hat
hands together
hands apart
together in union
they'll never fall apart
wedding hand
jeweled with joy
red rover hands together
torn apart
hand in hand
lets take a bow
hand in hand
lets hold on for now
3 comments:
Jungle Gym
1. Its a fun poem about childhood and pretending
2. "waiting for our imagination to begin" because its shows the carefree attitude we have when younger
3.I think that sometimes listing things is a way for you to get out of describing them soo maybe some of the lists could be a vivid describtion instead.
Hands
1. The poems is about hands and how many different uses a hand has
2. I like the wedding hand jeweled with joy
3.a couple of hands during a dance is kind of confusing well its doesnt flow that much.. I dont know its kind of rough
4. I like the Jungle Gym Days because it is a fun reminder of the past. I can connect to the childhood innocence of the poem.
Jungle Gym Days
1)My initial impression of the poem is that its about two friends who are just having fun imagining and creating their own world, and once the school bell rings, they are snapped back to reality but they cant wait for the opportunity to daydream the next day.
2)I think that the strongest part for me, at least to do with imagery are the lines,
we would travel the world
but then the bell would ring
and all would disappear
i can really picture everything in the poem, everything you built up, i can see it all disappearing. I think that its a pretty strong part in the poem.
3)I honestly truly dont think that there is anything that you should take out of the poem- i dont see any repetitions or any overused terms. good job!
Hands
1)My initial impression of the piece is that you are describing sets of hands, many different hands, spirtual hands, marriage hands, prayer hands... etc.
2)The most vivid line, to me is the last little chunk, "hand in hand, lets hold on for now".. a reader can interpret this different ways, for example you are losing someone you care for and are asking them to hold on.
3)I feel like all the lines flow well, but I don't understand the "hand me the performers hat" line. otherwise, all the lines flow nicely.
4)The poem that I feel appeals to me the most is the first one about the jungle gym. I think that I connect to it more because it seems like a fun poem about two friends with very vivid imaginations.
Jungle gym days:
my guess is this poem is about your imagination in elementary school. Your strongest line is "Lunch done, magic begins" I just really like this line, and it's a good line to start off the poem. I think that you should make some changes to the line "all or our friends joined us too!" I think you could make it sound a little better with the rest of the poem.
Hands:
This poem is about hands and the different uses of the word. The strongest lines of this poem are "hands together
hands apart
together in union
they'll never fall apart"
It catches my eye, and i really like it. I think maybe you should take out the second "that" of "hand me that
that preformers hat"
I really like both of them, but if I HAD to decide which one I liked best, I would pick Hands. I like how you showed a ton of ways to use that word. If I were to have tried to write a poem like that, I wouldn't have been able to think of all those things. I can visualize alot of them, like "wedding hand
jeweled with joy
red rover hands together
torn apart" Alot of people could connect with it personally too. When I was little I used to play Red Rover at recess so I understand that line well.
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